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• 6/17/2010 - I said he had done more than enough for me and...
| I said he had done more than enough for me and that
I couldn't accept money on top of everything else, but he refused to
take it back"It's not money," he said, "it's my feelingsDon't think
about it too much, just take it All I could do was thank him and
accept it
When he had gone, I suddenly thought about my old girlfriend, the
one I had first slept with in my last year of schoolChills ran through
me as I realized how badly I had treated herI had hardly ever thought
about her thoughts or feelings or the pain I had caused herShe was
such a sweet and gentle thing, but at the time I had taken her
sweetness for granted and later hardly gave her a second thought
What was she doing now? I wonderedAnd had she forgiven prada black bags me?
A wave of nausea came over me, and I vomited by the old shipMy
head hurt from too much sake, and I felt bad about having lied to the
fisherman and taken his moneyIt was time for me to go back to
Tokyo, I decided; I couldn't keep this up for everI stuffed my
sleeping bag into my rucksack, slipped my arms through the straps
and walked to the local railway stationI told the man at the ticketoffice
window that I wanted to get to Tokyo as soon as possibleHe
checked his timetable and said I could make it as far as Osaka by
morning if I transferred from one night train to another, then I could
take the bullet train from thereI thanked him and used the x"5,000
note the fisherman gave me to buy a ticket to TokyoWaiting louis cartier for the
train, I bought a newspaper and checked the date: 2 October, 1970So
I had been travelling for a full monthI knew I had to go back to the
real world
The month of travelling neither lifted my spirits nor softened the blow
of Naoko's deathI arrived back in Tokyo in pretty much the same
state in which I had leftI couldn't even bring myself to phone Midori
What could I say to her? How could I begin? "It's all over now; you
and I can be happy together"? No, that was out of the question
330
However I might phrase it, though, the facts were the same: Naoko
was dead, and Midori was still hereNaoko was a mound of white ash,
and Midori was a living, breathing human being
I was overcome with a sense of my own black chanel handbags defilementThough I
returned to Tokyo I did nothing for days but shut myself up in my
roomMy memory remained fixed on the dead rather than the living
The rooms I had set aside in there for Naoko were shuttered, the
furniture draped in white, the windowsills dustyI spent the better part
of each day in those roomsAnd I thought about Kizuki"So you
finally made Naoko yours," I heard myself telling him"Oh, well, she
was yours to begin withNow, maybe, she's where she belongsBut in
this world, in this imperfect world of the living, I did the best I could
for NaokoI tried to establish a new life for the two of usBut forget
it, KizukiI'm giving her to youYou're the one she chose, after allIn
woods as dark as the depths of her own fendi spy zucca bag heart, she hanged herself
Once upon a time, you dragged a part of me into the world of the
dead, and now Naoko has dragged another part of me into that world
Sometimes I feel like the caretaker of a museum - a huge, empty
museum where no one ever comes, and I'm watching over it for no
one but myself
The fourth day after my return to Tokyo, a letter came from ReikoIt was a simple note: I haven't been able
to get in touch with you for weeks, and I'm worriedI will be waiting by the telephone
I called her at nine o'clock that nightReiko picked up after one ring
"Are you OK?" she asked
"More or less," I said
"Do you mind if I come and visit you the day after tomorrow?"
"Visit me? You mean here in Tokyo?"
"That's exactly what I ladies omega watches m |
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